


Just For a While

by jdjunkie



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s01e08 Cold Lazarus, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-01
Updated: 2011-04-01
Packaged: 2017-10-17 10:39:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/176000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdjunkie/pseuds/jdjunkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friendships were hard for Daniel to navigate. They always had been. This one was harder, and more important, than most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just For a While

Jack sat down heavily on the locker room bench, as though the weight of the world was pressing him down towards the ground against his own volition.

He looked tired. Drained. Distracted.

Daniel opened his own locker and pretended to futz with something inside. He noticed a bag of M&Ms perched on top of a copy of _Coptic Martyrdoms_ by Budge that he used to wedge his faulty locker door open with sometimes. Attached to the candy was a note in Sam’s precise script, “These replace the ones I appropriated, okay stole, from your desk last week. Enjoy, but remember, chocolate is not a food group. Kisses, Sam.” He smiled. It felt good to smile. Jack hadn’t smiled this entire mission, and Daniel found his moods so attuned to Jack’s  -- a fact that had snuck up on him and smacked him upside the head when he wasn’t looking -- that smiling now felt like a betrayal.

“You can stop pretending you have a reason for being here,” Jack said, voice weary and laced with annoyance.

“Actually, I ...” Damn. He hadn’t perfected the art of thinking on his feet when it came to lying, especially when  Jack was involved. The man seemed able to read him like a book. “I was looking for this.” Daniel groped for the nearest thing to hand and triumphantly waved a copy of the _Athena Review_ from last year. _Think, think, think ..._ “There’s a fascinating article on the antiquities trade and attendant legislation with respect to international borders that I’ve been meaning to read.”

Jack’s eyes fixed on the magazine cover with laser-like precision. “So fascinating that you’ve waited since last July to actually read it.”

Daniel took a close interest in the periodical. The picture of that Honduran stele on the front was just so, so riveting.

“SG-1 was about to be put on stand down when I went back through the Gate. You should have gone home hours ago.” Jack bent down to unlace his boots. Daniel winced at the leaden quality of Jack’s movements. Like they were taking the last ounce of energy he had. Daniel somehow resisted the urge to kneel down and complete the task for him.

“Um, yes. No life, I guess.” Which was true but it still sounded sad to Daniel’s own ears. He waved the magazine around for something to do, smiled a “what’s a guy to do?” kind of smile, then turned, slung the mag into the locker and pushed the door shut.

“You’re as bad as Carter. Damn scientists. There _is_ life outside the Mountain. You should try it some time.” The boots hit concrete with a resounding thud.

“Says the man who spends more time in his quarters on base than he likes us to think.”

Jack’s eyes narrowed. Daniel’s heart pounded a little faster.  Daniel knew he pushed his luck with Jack sometimes. As a civilian – as a friend, he hoped – he had more leeway than Sam or Teal’c would ever have. But he was still feeling his way around the boundaries of their relationship. Still wasn’t quite sure what would push Jack’s buttons enough to make Jack push him away.

Friendships were hard for Daniel to navigate. They always had been. This one was harder, and more important, than most.

The fierce flare that burned momentarily in Jack’s eyes faded to weariness. “Yes. Well. Sometimes there’s not much to go home for.”

Daniel liked Jack’s home a lot. Wood and stone and photographs and chess. He’d give a lot for a home like that. But he knew what Jack meant.  Jack’s house didn’t have Sara in it, or Charlie. It must have felt as empty as Jack’s heart. Daniel felt instantly and incredibly hurt on Jack’s behalf.

Daniel stood, hands in pockets, at a loss for what to say as Jack hauled himself to his feet with a monumental effort, picked up his boots and keyed open his locker. He shoved the boots inside, took off his jacket and placed it on the shelf ... and straightened as if someone had encased him in ice. He stood motionless for a minute, more maybe.

Daniel watched him, unsure of what to say or do.  Eventually, he ventured a quiet, “Jack?” and moved slowly to stand behind him.

Crap. Of course.

“It wasn’t him. I know it wasn’t him.” Jack’s gaze was fixed on the photograph of Charlie. Bright eyes smiling out of a beautiful face; a beguiling mixture of innocence and mischief, his features a classic mix of mom and dad.

Daniel fought a battle within himself. He found it hard to reach out, either physically or emotionally. Self-sufficiency in all things was ingrained. But the need to connect with Jack, the need to touch was overwhelming. Hand shaking a little, he reached up and placed it on Jack’s shoulder.  He felt the muscles beneath tense and fought the urge to pull away before he was shoved away.

“But, god ... the feel of his hand in mine.”

Muscles seized and tightened further under Daniel’s hand. The trembling he felt was not in his own fingers. He was in unknown territory here. He had no idea if Jack would welcome any further indication of comfort or understanding. But he hadn’t shaken the hand off his shoulder. He hadn’t walked away and brushed off his concern with a wisecrack or muttered rebuff.

So, heart in mouth, Daniel turned Jack, slowly. Miraculously, he allowed himself to be handled, and Daniel drew him in, pulled Jack’s head to his shoulder and wound both arms round him.

Little by little, Jack’s body gave in. Daniel could almost feel the muscles wave the flag of surrender ... _we give in, take the strain, please, just for a while_ ... and the tremors eased as Jack allowed himself to be held.

After some time, when the only sound was the huff of Jack’s breath against Daniel’s skin, Jack’s arms snaked around Daniel, and squeezed and said, “ _Thank you. I can’t say the words.”_ But Daniel heard them anyway. Daniel had learned fast that, with Jack, the words that went unspoken were often the easiest to hear.

A tidal wave of protectiveness swept over him, relentless in its force, cresting in a burst of anger at Jack’s losses; his son, his marriage, and for a while, Daniel suspected, his mind. He wanted to rail at the unfairness of it all. But life wasn’t fair. Life was what it was. And it could be cruel. That was something they both knew and understood. Needing to do more, Daniel rested his hand on Jack’s head. He cupped the hand to the shape of Jack’s skull and was distantly surprised at the softness of the hair under his fingers.

Finally, after who knew how long, Jack’s body became a virtual deadweight in Daniel’s arms, and sometime after that, Jack started to pull away.  As he did, Daniel reached around to push Jack’s locker door closed. It seemed a small kindness. But Jack shot out a hand to stop him, and Daniel had no idea how he did that because the man was dead on his feet.

Jack’s hand tightened on Daniel’s arm. “It’s okay,” he said, although it so obviously wasn’t. Daniel could already see the nightmares in Jack’s eyes. He hoped that his presence helped, even if only a little. Jack would never tell him either way.  Daniel knew with certainty that they would never speak of this moment again.

The door to the locker room opened and SG-4 poured in, full of noisy mutual insults and post-mission adrenaline. They acknowledged Jack and ignored Daniel.

Jack took a deep breath, let go of Daniel’s arm and became the Colonel again, nodding to the airmen, putting on casual shoes, shucking into his leather jacket and physically sloughing off the day’s work.

Daniel picked up his jacket from the bench where it lay and watched as Jack took one last look in his locker.

“See you tomorrow,” Jack said, then hesitated as though he wanted to say more. He closed his locker door gently, not with the usual force, and rested his hand there briefly.

“Bright and early,” Daniel said, with a lightness in his voice that he didn’t feel in his heart.

Jack looked at him with tired eyes, winced a smile and walked away.

The sound of loud joshing and ribald humour burst from the showers, but above it all, Daniel still heard the sound of Jack’s breath hitching as he held him. With a gentle amazement, he realized he’d needed the comfort as much as Jack. _Your pain is my pain ..._

“Bright and early,” he said to himself. He opened his locker again, took out the M&Ms and opened the packet. Maybe Sam was still working on the data from the crystals. He popped a candy in his mouth. He was willing to share.

 

ends


End file.
